Have you ever hurt so much so deep down all you can do is cry? The very thing that brought you joy at one time can sometimes be the source of this immense pain. People you thought were going to be permanent fixtures in your life can disappear in the blink of an eye. Even people who once encouraged you in life and ministry. Sometimes all that remains is who you thought they were, and it's as if the person you knew has gone MIA, and the remainder is a complete stranger. The person who once looked out for you, the person who at one time got down on one knee and asked you to marry him, the guy who you had the most amazing time with and who for the first time in a long time you felt you could trust, vanished and there's nothing you can do. The remains are nothing more than hollow reminders of people you once knew.
The more I live the more I learn how precious and fragile life is. How do any of us know who to trust? The crazy thing of it all is that for some reason we hold out hope, and we press on. I'm a true believer that each day is a gift from above. So, I have made the choice to continue to live, and to love. After all the things that seem to break us only can serve to make us stronger in the hands of an awesome and mighty God.
I think the thing that hurts the most is that many of the people that have hurt me most are people who I wouldn't expect it from. I mean I know no one is perfect, but I would hope to find something at least a little bit different from people who proclaim to be following Christ. In fact, when I consider the people who have hurt me most, nearly all of them are those who supposedly my brothers and sisters in Christ. Christ said that they will know we are Christians by our love. However, sometimes we are so unloving toward each other. We may be loving toward the group of Christians we are closet to, but many times we don't regard all Christians the same. We pick and choose who should count in our lives. Sometimes we love the homeless person we're in ministry to, or the other person we are helping even more than we love the Christian we sit to nearly every Sunday at church. The places I've expected to feel that Christian unity and have craved it such as my Christian university, and even my Christian sorority I have found Christ's love most devoid at. Why is that??? I spent years thinking perhaps there was something wrong with me, maybe I didn't try hard enough, or didn't know how to please them enough to make them like me. Why do we feel like we have to work so hard to appease the very people who should love us no matter what??? I'm tired of being silent!!! In high school it was the Christian Fellowship group with their fake smiles who seemingly have everything going for them. Honestly it's by the very grace of God I'm even a Christian today. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm just stating what I've experienced, and how I've felt most of my life. I'm sure I've added to this at some point in my life. I'm just saying as those who profess to know Christ we really need to strive to be a better model of his love! This world needs it! We need to learn to love each other, not just those we are to be in ministry to. The Christian life is not an easy one, and Jesus himself prayed for our unity as his followers. Well, that's the end of my rant, just something that has been inside of me for about a decade now.
