I fully know that it is Christ that makes me whole and complete. I don't need someone else to do that. However, I can't help but thinking of sharing a life with my future husband whoever he may be. My best friend in the world is getting married in just a couple months, and while I'm so excited that she has met the man for her I keep wondering when that will happen for me. I so long to be a wife, mom, and partner in ministry with the man God has for me. I've started writing him in my journal as silly as that may sound, and praying for him.

Once upon a time, I thought I'd found him. I watched a guy with teary eyes get down on one knee and ask me to be his wife. However, without warning that fell apart, and so did I for awhile. I've had a few relationships since, but nothing lasting and most of those ended with the guy doing something, and me getting hurt. The funny thing is even though I was the one that ended up hurt in them I'm still friends with most of those guys. Mostly because they realized they hurt me and that I was great to them and apologized. Is this just going to be the pattern???

I did go on a date recently that was to put it very simply amazing. So amazing that I got a little overexcited. I hadn't felt anything like that in awhile, and didn't know I could feel that much. However, in my excitement I think I ruined any chances that might have been there.

I know the thing to do is to let God continue to make me into the woman that God has designed me to be, and that my husband needs me to be. I know too that I must seek God first. The scripture does say after all to "seek God first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

To my future husband: Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that God finds a way to bring us together and soon. I can hardly wait to serve God and His people alongside of you, and to go wherever He may call us. I can hardly wait to have a family with you. My desire is to bring you good and not harm all the days that we get to spend on earth together. Amen.