Still Standing

So, in this time of what seems like great uncertainty, though nothing is truly certain other than God and His promises, I am finding a great strength and peace that I believe can only come from God.

You see there are two things that I desire more than anything, and despite my waiting, and some seeking they seem to be the most impossible things to attain. One is a position in full time youth ministry, and the other is a Godly man to share this crazy adventure called life with. For the churches it seems I don't have enough experience. I could just sit and feel sorry for myself maybe even find a few others to pity me, but that would simply be giving in to what the rest of the world seems to think. However, I'm choosing to rely on Christ. I'm holding on to the hope that he has a plan and a future for my life. That even when the world seems like it's falling out from under me, I'll be found in Him, still standing.

Luggage

Wow, so tonight I heard a message that spoke right to my current situation. It was as if God truly had me at that place right at that time for a reason. The message was on luggage those things we carry with us whether they are hurtful words, wounds from past relationships, being surrounded even currently with negative people, unforgiveness, or just any of the other junk of life that can throw our way. The speaker talked about how those things can keep us from truly experiencing all that God has for us and the life he desires for us to live.

I know in my life I've have had a battle with some negative words at time from someone very close to me. This has many times left me feeling defeated. Then I've had many not so great relationships both friendships and in dating. Then there are the countless times I've gone on interviews and sent out resumes to churches as I've sought out pursuing my call to ministry to have it lead no where. I'll be the first to admit that lately the weight of all these has seemed to be piling up. However, the words spoken tonight helped breathe God's truth into my life right when it was what I needed.

The truth is we all have our own junk or luggage either of things in the past or things that are currently going on. However, the greater truth is that there is a God who sees all that is going on in our lives and genuinely cares. He has a plan for us that is to prosper and not to harm us. So often it's hard to truly believe that when things are happening that we simply can't understand.

The past actions or things done by others, or things that have happened don't have to define our future. God has a plan, and has given each of us dreams that often this world tries to drown out. Too often we try to keep control over those things and try to somehow maneuver things and use our own ability to make things happen. We must turn those hopes and dreams over to him along with our baggage. This takes complete surrender, and trusting in God to be our shield, our defender, and our provider.

Patriot Day

So, on KSBJ they were talking about the anniversary of 9/11 coming up that has now been called Patriot Day. They were asking people to remember those that have given up their lives for our country. However, lately I've been thinking about how as disciples of Christ we are part of a greater nation, the kingdom of God. It is serving God, and following Christ that should demand our greatest allegiance. Just like this country, the kingdom of God has been built up by people who have given their lives for what they believe in. When you look at the early church they faced such persecution and hardships that for many ended in death.

So, this coming 9/11 I chose to turn my attention to remembering not only the One who gave His life so I can live, but to all those that have followed Christ before me and suffered for the cause of Christ so that I too might come to know Christ and believe. Not only should it serve as a reminder, but I pray for a renewed sense of calling to show Christ's love in this world no matter the cost.

Right now all over the world there are citizens of Christ's kingdom in countries where they are being persecuted, sought out, and killed. However, in the face of such challenges, they are continuing to grow and press forward. We all ought to catch hold of that spirit!!!

To follow Christ is to live a life that is counter that of the world. It is a call to stop calling your own plays, to love generously, to forgive, and to serve one another with compassion. It isn't easy, and it commands that all of us become patriots.

So, on Patriot Day, and even right now, I invite you to ask yourself where your allegiance is directed and believe me I will be doing the same.

Joyful in Hope

So, it's been awhile since I've written. A bunch has happened in the past couple of months, and God has definitely been at work. I'm not necessarily where I thought I'd be, but my life is amazingly great. After several months of waiting, searching, and interviewing for youth ministry positions I feel I've found where I'm meant to be. The most surprising thing of it all was that it was right in front of me the whole time. In my Sunday morning small group we've been going through the book of Acts and talking about the early church. The early church leaders were filled with an urgency and passion to tell people about Christ, and they didn't merely wait for opportunities, they seized the moments they were in and made things happen. It occurred to me that in my waiting I wasn't using my gifts and not using the precious time God has given to me. Then the question occurred to me, why wasn't I helping out with my church's youth? I mean I clearly know that is an area I'm called to, and I'm passionate about. I wasn't really doing anything except merely talking with church after church about my vision and passion for youth, while essentially doing nothing . So, I started to seek out getting involved with the students at my church, and while it's as a volunteer, I can't help but feel it's where God wants me. I'm actually working at another law firm, and while there is the hope of doing youth ministry someday full-time, I feel so blessed to be apart of all that is going on at my church. I just started helping with the MS students. There are soooo many of them, and it's exciting!!! I'm currently just learning to trust God, and be content. He knows my heart, the dreams I have, the visions He has given me, and I'm learning to be "joyful in hope".

Is Hurting and Feeling Silly

So, you can pretty much disregard my last post. I was under the impression that the offer at Beeville was a certain offer. I guess it was a hypothetical when they said the job was mine I just had to accept the offer. The lady I told that I would accept the offer on Friday, called today to say that apparently the director had scheduled some interviews with other people and they wanted to go ahead and meet with them. So, I don't have the job just yet, if at all. At this point nothing is certain. It's all in God's hands. Of course, that leaves me a bit uncertain on what to do. I know the thing to do is to keep seeking God and pray, but beyond that I don't have a clue. I can't help but feel a bit hurt by everything though, I mean all this weekend I went around telling people I had a job at the children's home. I'm going to feel a bit foolish going back to all those people and say that I may not be after all. It reminds me of when I went to Hawaii and spent the week telling those in our tour group about my fiance, and being engaged, and then the day I got back he broke up with me. I felt kind of foolish then like I do now. I know God has a plan, he always does, perhaps I wasn't meant to be there and something else will come up, or perhaps I am and all of this hurt will be for nothing other than seeing how I respond. Oh well, I've told Jesus, and he'll figure it out!

The Next Step on the Journey . . .

So, after much prayer and searching everywhere for where God might be sending me next, I'm reminded of something that I prayed at the beginning of the search for the next step. I prayed God would open the door clearly where He wanted me. My heart is to just serve Him and share His love mostly with youth and kids, and at some point focus more on counseling families. Of course there is also this passion to help in some of the things that I've seen in the church that have bothered me for years. It looks like for now God is sending me after my first passion, and I will get the extreme privilege of serving Him by loving on some kids in Texas who are in desperate need of His love at the South Texas Children's Home. I get to serve as a caseworker to help kids that we accept into the home with the transition into the home and then watch over them for their time in the home. I won't be too far from Houston, so I can still come home some weekends which is one thing that will be nice. While this is different from where I thought I might originally end up, I am certain God will do amazing things in my life during my time there, and hopefully in the kids I get to reach out to. I ask that you would please start praying now for the kids and families God will bring into my path on my case load. I hope to perhaps start writing some of the things God has been putting on my heart as well during this time. I know this is just another step in the journey God has me on as I seek to live for Him and love His people. There is a song lately that has been my heart's song by Matthew West "You Are Everything".

Here's just the chorus but the whole song is great, Jesus truly is everything that I live for and I just have to trust Him. Without Him in my life I truly wouldn't have gotten this far and I know that the Lord has a great plan for me.

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open
All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
'Cause You
are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again
Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart

Not Settling . . . Seeking God's Best

So, I've been interviewing like crazy, and trying desperately to stay open to wherever God may want me. I have recently interviewed in Houston, Austin, Webster, Humble, Dickinson, Seguin, Boerne, Winston-Salem, NC, Beeville, TX, and I'm about to head to Wylie tomorrow. I've interviewed for Children's homes, homeless women's shelters, law firms, and churches. In all this I'm trying to seek what God wants, and not what I want. Sometimes that is such a fine line. However, if my passion is Him one would think the passions I have would be in line with His. I guess I just have to trust that, and let that be my guide. Right now my heart is saying I need to stay in the Houston or the surrounding area. However, I struggle with that since the only thing that is a sure bet at this point is a job in Beeville. I know they want someone out there that would like to stay for awhile, and I'm not certain that is me. My passion is to be back in youth ministry, and to get to do that full time like I did in Midland. Midland had its challenges since I was away from friends and family, but I was getting to share my faith and provide programming, and building relationships with youth in ways that I've always longed to. While I know I'd make an excellent case worker, and that it includes good benefits, and is really a good deal, I don't know if it's exactly where I need to be. A friend recently reminded me about not settling, and I'm determined to take his advice. I mean it's a great opportunity, but I have the overwhelming feeling that God has something more. I think I just need to let Him work. I mean after all, most of the time all this interview process stuff can take awhile. I don't want to rush God, or just take an offer because it's the only one I can see at the moment. If you're reading this please pray for me in all of this. Thank you so much!!

Passion and then some . . .

I just started reading Uprising by Erwin McManus and felt the need to write about passion. He hit on a bunch of things that I have at some point talked about or at least thought of. It has long been witnessed in my life that so many people live without passion. So many people are just merely existing, just trying to get by from one day to the next. God desires so much more of us than to simply exist, He has come that we might have life and that it would be one that is abundant!!! Life as McManus puts it is supposed to be an "adventure, a journey, a trek filled with uncertainty, excitement, and risk". Where is the excitement and adventure in just existing? We are called to live!! We are created for passion! Instead, "we've made acting like an adult synonymous with living apathetic lives"!! I get so frustrated at times sharing the things I'm passionate about and then people just going "that's nice". I think we fear passion in our culture, because it may require some sort of transformation or to move in a different direction. As Christians, we are called to be a little counter-cultural any ways. Not in the sense that we are to attack the culture we're in (which is too often the response of Christians), but instead radically seek to understand it with Christ's love as the model (remember Christ didn't come to condemn the world, but to save it, He did this through LOVE!!). I think other than the ultimate display of passion of Christ on the cross, the most beautiful display of passion is in watching a child explore their world. They are so fascinated and try to take all of it in. I believe it is why it says that to "enter His kingdom we must come as little children". We are to be passionate, full of awe, and wonder!! Each day is a gift from God, and holds with it endless possibilities. It is in that we can not only find passion, but freedom. The freedom I'm talking about is one that only God can give. It is a freedom that comes from from a life lived passionately in Him. We are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds!! To live with passion we must be constantly being renewed!! I hope to never to the point where I lose my awe and wonder for God, and for the life He has for me. I pray that if you're reading this you would come desire that passion in your own life. Remember to make the most of each day!! Love without limit, forgive, be merciful, be generous, be compassionate, take risks, sacrifice, enjoy yourself, and surely you will live!!!

Hope

So, right now I'm about to graduate from college. I've grown and been stretched so much in these 7 years that I can say in all certainty I'm not at all the girl I was when I first started. In fact I'm not a girl at all, but a woman. Right now I am anxiously awaiting the next step on the journey, not certain what it will bring, but knowing I can trust in the God who has been guiding me all along the way. It's not an easy thing to do, to wait, and to have hope, but it's something I know must be done. The scriptures say that hope doesn't disappoint. While there are many things that I hope for the greatest is to be in the center of God's will for my life. I just have to believe that God will address my deep desires of being a wife and someday a mom, but he will do so in His good a perfect timing. I must enjoy the beauty and the opportunities in whatever season of life I find myself in and not try to somehow rush God. I know the pain of running ahead of Him all too well. So, I journey on with hope, as I allow God to unfold the mysteries of the life He has for me in His timing. Where will it lead me? Only he knows . . .